


The Truth Behind HQ_Wingster for The Past Year

by HQ_Wingster



Series: Not Currently Working [3]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Author Commentary, Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Personal thoughts, References to Depression, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thought Projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 18:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12138384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQ_Wingster/pseuds/HQ_Wingster
Summary: Anon: What fic of your own are you the most proud of? Who is your favorite fictional character of all time? If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?





	The Truth Behind HQ_Wingster for The Past Year

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don't talk about this but while typing up a response for a Tumblr anon, I wanted to share a small glimpse of how I felt about my own writing. The omegaverse that I'm referencing to used to be called "Music on Strings" before it was changed to "Can You Hear My Heartbeat?" and before it was changed to "Music Is My Universal Sign" before I discontinued it
> 
> It's on AO3 on an orphan account if you want to read it. For the YoI fandom, of course. In my first response, you'll learn why I did what I did with that story.

The work that I’m most proud of is also my greatest disappointment.

It was an omegaverse. Yes, I write those kind of stories and post them on my AO3. Not because I want to live out a fantasy or get things heated between characters. I write omegaverses because I’m fascinated by how integrated we are in society and how our thoughts aren’t our own because we’re influenced by the people we interact with. Day to day at home, at school, at work, and at any other place where Humans naturally interact with each other.

To this day, that omegaverse story is my proudest work. I loved my writing style and of how care-free it was. People used to comment that the paragraphs had a poetic feel, and I usually added rhyme schemes because I enjoyed rhyming and it gave my writing a bit of a pop. As the story progressed, people told me that they were weary of omegaverses because of how sexual things get or how characters are just names that were thrown in to attract people in the fandom. At the same time, they expressed their love for my omegaverse because it was everything that a lot of other omegaverses weren’t.

People appreciated how realistic it was, how the emotions felt genuine, and how the characters felt like actual people.

As a writer, being able to do any of that is hard work and to this day, I look back on those comments and feel at ease because I do have the ability to write like that. Whenever I’m down, I’ll look back at those comments and know that deep down, I’ve given people an experience that they won’t forget.

However, I created the omegaverse because I was dealing with depression at the time and I felt that my writing was inadequate. I used to push myself when I wrote. Wrote until I passed out while editing because my body wasn’t used to that kind of pressure. i distinctly remember writing 20 pages in one sitting. 10k words from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. It was an experience and I passed out on my keyboard and didn’t wake up for a while.

The story became my disappointment because I felt like I was venting through my writing and trying to make myself feel better. And after a while, I wondered if it was even working because the story began to drag and people commented that they wanted the story to move. To hustle. I was at the breaking point. I was on a hiatus to see if I could calm down. The next day, I started writing again. The next two weeks, I was on a hiatus. An indefinite one because I discontinued the work and never wanted to see it again.

Later on, I was scrolling through Tumblr and found that someone reviewed the story on their blog. They described my writing style as “flowery”, to be blunt, but they also praised me for my characterization. I know that such a simple comment shouldn’t bother me. It should help me improve, but I shattered.

I shattered into the broken pieces that I used to be. The comment bothered me. My writing style was too “flowery”. It was the only style I ever knew, and it was the style that people recognized from me. Driven to madness, I experimented with different writing styles but each time, they didn’t feel like me. The words were not my own, the “voice” felt flat and disheartening when I read back the words, and I realized that such a simple comment on my writing had hurt me more than I thought.

I was broken. I pushed people away so that I wouldn’t have to see a similar comment from them. And thus, that was how my proudest work was also my greatest disappointment.

However, I’ve come to terms that I won’t grow as a writer if I keep myself in this hole I’ve dug. I want to climb out from this grave and write like how I used to. A little bit of my old writing style can be seen in this response. The weird pauses, shifts, and varying sentence structures were part of it. It was all part of it. I should’ve never traded it away for something else. Because this is all me and these are the tools that I have so that I can bring a smile to someone’s face like how I used to.

Even though I’m no longer continuing the omegaverse that I’ve mentioned a few times here in this response, I’m going to write another one. A happier one, an omegaverse that I can be happy and proud of because it’s a joy that no other story will give.

* * *

My favorite character to write for is Viktor Nikiforov. I cannot describe how much I enjoy writing for him. He’s an interesting creature. I shouldn’t describe a Human like that, but I find it fitting to refer to Viktor as that because there are numerous interpretations out there about him, and I want to share mine.

Depending on what kind of story I’m typing, he’s either the supportive character who tries to mean well, or he’s the character who’s discovering what his feelings mean to him and how important they are. It’s a vague interpretation on my part, but it leaves a lot of room for how I can describe how he walks, talks, or how he thinks.

And…whenever I roleplay with my friends, I like to stretch my arm and out and yell, _“Yuuri~!”_ like how Viktor did in episode 1 in the hot springs. Yah~

* * *

If I could change one thing about the world, I wouldn’t.

Strange, isn’t it. If anyone else was given this question, there would be paragraph after paragraph of explanations on why society sucks, or why there are issues on our planet, or how Humans are the devil or something.

If I change one aspect about this world, I am changing tens or hundreds of little networks that are connected to that one aspect. Change isn’t easy nor is it simple. I can’t give you a concrete answer, but I can give a reason on why I don’t want the world to change.

I’m a realistic writer, or I aspire to be. I write about the faults in our society through satirical works to provoke questions and to get the mind rolling on a cloudy, six ‘o clock morning.

Granted, someone will tell me that I’m a pessimist or an asshole for not wanting to change something in this world. I can already see it, but you know what? I rather not being the cause of change in the world because Humans are naturally very bad about it.

We’re indecisive. We try to make a perfect utopia while neglecting the needs and wants of those less fortunate than us. We are selfish individuals and I don’t trust anybody, including myself, if something had to be globally changed. Just the thought that one person is capable of doing so much with one twist is…scary.

You think about things. Is this person making this change for good or for evil? Who influenced this decision? How will this decision affect me?

I want to know what your thoughts are on this because honestly, it’s just one choice. How much of our world would change with that one choice? I’ll let you think about it.

**Author's Note:**

> I will never continue "Music Is My Universal Sign", but I still want to work on an omegaverse that follows a similar theme. Not the same plot or story, but a similar idea as to what the story told. I'm not sure what kind of omegaverse it'll be, but I'm willing to explore.


End file.
